Too Much Coffee

I don't drink coffee because I don't like the taste and I've never needed it as a pick-me-up. It does bad things to your body and may cause you to behave erratically. If you love your coffee, here are some signs you've had too much:

• You answer the door before people knock.
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• You ski uphill.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew on other people's fingernails.
• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
• You can type 60 words per minute ... with your feet.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• All your kids are named "Joe."
• You don't need a hammer to pound nails
• You don't sweat, you percolate.
• You buy half & half by the barrel.
• You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
• Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• You don't tan, you roast.
• You can't even remember your second cup.
• You help your dog chase its tail.