1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We still have no idea.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The thing just blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread responsibility for the screw up
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED
Too heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Worm Redistribution
A little humor for those of you who have a garden and know the rigors of pulling all those pesky weeds.
Now when it comes to human beings, work harder because there are millions on welfare depending on you.
Now when it comes to human beings, work harder because there are millions on welfare depending on you.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Computer Error
Bob was having trouble with his computer. So he called Tim, the computer guy, to come over to the office. Tim clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
He gave Bob a bill for a minimum service call, and as he was walking away, Bob asked about the problem?
Tim replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
Bob didn't want to appear stupid but inquired nonetheless, "An ID ten T error? What's that just in case I need to fix it again?"
Tim grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," Bob replied.
"Write it down," Tim said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
I D 1 0 T
He gave Bob a bill for a minimum service call, and as he was walking away, Bob asked about the problem?
Tim replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
Bob didn't want to appear stupid but inquired nonetheless, "An ID ten T error? What's that just in case I need to fix it again?"
Tim grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," Bob replied.
"Write it down," Tim said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
I D 1 0 T
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Alvin Greene
Alvin Green is an unemployed Army veteran who lives with his parents and the 2010 Democratic Senate candidate for South Carolina. He stunned state Democratic leaders when he defeated Vic Rawl without any kind of support whatsoever. Greene beat Rawl with 60 percent of the vote despite not having a job, a house, a website, yard signs or campaign headquarters. Greene put no effort into the race whatsoever other than paying the filing fee and having his name at the top of the ballot. So who paid his $10,000 filing fee? It is obvious that someone did and the speculation is running wild.David Axelrod, a senior White House advisor is suspicious of Greene's victory and I agree. How can an African-American man with strange origins, suspicious funding, shady associations, no experience, no qualifications and no demonstrable work history come out of nowhere and win an election? We're still speaking of Alvin Greene and not Barack Obama right?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Council of Idiots
The Sacramento city council ignored rule of law on Tuesday and voted to enact economic sanctions against the state of Arizona. According to The Sacramento Bee, this means the city would forbid "city workers from attending conferences in Arizona on the city's dime, boycotting companies based in Arizona 'where practicable and where there is no significant additional cost to the city' and potentially canceling current contracts with firms from Arizona."
Why would they do such a thing. Well it seems that Arizona got tired of the federal government not doing its job of securing the border to Mexico and decided to take the matter into their hands by having the local police enforce the immigration laws. Mayor Kevin Johnson is leading the council in this new "civil rights" movement in which The Bee quotes Councilman Robert Fong as saying the city is "standing on the right side of history."
How about standing on the right side of the law? Isn't that more important? Only Councilman Robbie Waters had the intelligence to vote against such nonsense and wondered how many city staff hours had been wasted in this witch hunt by looking at Sacramento's contracts with Arizona.
Opponents of Arizona's immigration law are trying to make this into a civil rights issue but this is nothing like the discrimination blacks faced in fighting for equality. Anybody who enters the United States of America illegally is a criminal. Plain and simple. It is not a civil rights issue but of law and order. I am sick and tired of the political whores who denounce the immigration law and call for economic sanctions of anything related to Arizona. Liberalism is truly a mental disorder.
Why would they do such a thing. Well it seems that Arizona got tired of the federal government not doing its job of securing the border to Mexico and decided to take the matter into their hands by having the local police enforce the immigration laws. Mayor Kevin Johnson is leading the council in this new "civil rights" movement in which The Bee quotes Councilman Robert Fong as saying the city is "standing on the right side of history."
How about standing on the right side of the law? Isn't that more important? Only Councilman Robbie Waters had the intelligence to vote against such nonsense and wondered how many city staff hours had been wasted in this witch hunt by looking at Sacramento's contracts with Arizona.
Opponents of Arizona's immigration law are trying to make this into a civil rights issue but this is nothing like the discrimination blacks faced in fighting for equality. Anybody who enters the United States of America illegally is a criminal. Plain and simple. It is not a civil rights issue but of law and order. I am sick and tired of the political whores who denounce the immigration law and call for economic sanctions of anything related to Arizona. Liberalism is truly a mental disorder.
Israel's Flotilla Lies
by Ted Pike
June 14, 2010
As nearly 700 “Free Gaza” flotilla survivors return to 20 nations, they bear witness to the same message—all five vessels, bringing aid to Gaza, were attacked by Israel. Preliminary shooting, including live rounds, came from Israeli attack boats and helicopters. All passengers were poorly, if not roughly, treated or assaulted. Are these the ravings of terrorist sympathizers, worthy of attack – as Israel and its PR rep, the ADL – as well as most evangelicals, contend?
The flotilla carried professionals, public officials and parliamentarians – including a member of Israel’s Knesset. Those contradicting Israel's story include a Brazilian filmmaker, a retired German parliamentarian and professor, two German parliamentarians, an acclaimed Swedish academic, an Irish Ulsterman with American citizenship, an Irish medical doctor, a retired Jewish-American math teacher, an American structural engineer, a best-selling Swedish novelist and an Israeli-born Swedish artist. The subsequent flotilla of ships included former United Nations Deputy Secretary-General Denis Halliday and Irish Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Mairead McGuire.
The nearly 700 members of the flotilla speak with one voice but incredibly Christian/conservatives reject testimony from these credible witnesses and accuse them of crafting an elaborate and bizarre falsehood. The British Guardian tells us, “The details of the wounds came as yet more survivors return to the UK and gave their account of the attacks.”
Citing the coroner’s report of the Turkish government, the Guardian suggests that Israeli commandos were hardly intent on non-violence. It relates that Furkan Dogan, the 19-year-old American-Turkish activist, was shot 5 times from a close range: in the right side of his nose, the back of his head, his back, and twice in his left leg. The oldest victim was 60-year old Ibrahim Bilgen, a Turkish politician, engineer and activist, who was married with 6 children. He was shot once in the right temple, once in the right side of his chest, once in his back and once in his hip. Cetin Topeuoglu, a 54-year-old former taekwondo champion who worked as a coach for the Turkish national team, was shot three times – once in the back of his head, once in his hip, and once in his belly.
Here is a summary of the other seven:
If Israel had really intended non-violence, it could have snarled the ships’ propellers and rudders with no loss of life. Negotiations could have occurred in daylight to allow the orderly, nonviolent transfer of command. Instead, Israel chose to take over the ships in darkness in the most terrifying manner. It was a terrorist attack.
If Israel is so intent on sharing the whole truth, and has no need of a “biased” international investigation, why did it sabotage the flotilla passengers’ communication with the outside world before, during, and for days after the raid? Why did Israel seize their cameras, computers, and notebooks? Why does Israel insist that in its investigation IDF forces involved in the raid will not be questioned? Clearly, Israel wants no contrary voices as it propagandizes the world – including 70 million gullible evangelicals and their media who are eager (in fact, theologically duty-bound) to believe Israel.
Most evangelicals will probably remain uninterested in more evidence from survivors in the weeks ahead and be content to believe anything Israel says. By prostituting their God-given birthright to speak only the whole truth, Israel-first evangelicals have gone theologically and politically insane.
Read the full article
June 14, 2010
As nearly 700 “Free Gaza” flotilla survivors return to 20 nations, they bear witness to the same message—all five vessels, bringing aid to Gaza, were attacked by Israel. Preliminary shooting, including live rounds, came from Israeli attack boats and helicopters. All passengers were poorly, if not roughly, treated or assaulted. Are these the ravings of terrorist sympathizers, worthy of attack – as Israel and its PR rep, the ADL – as well as most evangelicals, contend?
The flotilla carried professionals, public officials and parliamentarians – including a member of Israel’s Knesset. Those contradicting Israel's story include a Brazilian filmmaker, a retired German parliamentarian and professor, two German parliamentarians, an acclaimed Swedish academic, an Irish Ulsterman with American citizenship, an Irish medical doctor, a retired Jewish-American math teacher, an American structural engineer, a best-selling Swedish novelist and an Israeli-born Swedish artist. The subsequent flotilla of ships included former United Nations Deputy Secretary-General Denis Halliday and Irish Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Mairead McGuire.
The nearly 700 members of the flotilla speak with one voice but incredibly Christian/conservatives reject testimony from these credible witnesses and accuse them of crafting an elaborate and bizarre falsehood. The British Guardian tells us, “The details of the wounds came as yet more survivors return to the UK and gave their account of the attacks.”
Citing the coroner’s report of the Turkish government, the Guardian suggests that Israeli commandos were hardly intent on non-violence. It relates that Furkan Dogan, the 19-year-old American-Turkish activist, was shot 5 times from a close range: in the right side of his nose, the back of his head, his back, and twice in his left leg. The oldest victim was 60-year old Ibrahim Bilgen, a Turkish politician, engineer and activist, who was married with 6 children. He was shot once in the right temple, once in the right side of his chest, once in his back and once in his hip. Cetin Topeuoglu, a 54-year-old former taekwondo champion who worked as a coach for the Turkish national team, was shot three times – once in the back of his head, once in his hip, and once in his belly.
Here is a summary of the other seven:
- Alquyz: 4 gunshot wounds - back of head, side of face, back, leg.
- Yaldiz: 4 gunshot wounds – chest, left leg, right leg twice.
- Bengi: 6 gunshot wounds – chest, belly, right arm, right leg, left hand twice.
- Topeuoglu: 3 gunshot wounds – back of head, left side, right belly.
- Yildirim: 2 gunshot wounds – right shoulder, left back.
- Kiliclar: 1 gunshot wound, middle of forehead.
- Songur: 1 gunshot wound – front of neck.
If Israel had really intended non-violence, it could have snarled the ships’ propellers and rudders with no loss of life. Negotiations could have occurred in daylight to allow the orderly, nonviolent transfer of command. Instead, Israel chose to take over the ships in darkness in the most terrifying manner. It was a terrorist attack.
If Israel is so intent on sharing the whole truth, and has no need of a “biased” international investigation, why did it sabotage the flotilla passengers’ communication with the outside world before, during, and for days after the raid? Why did Israel seize their cameras, computers, and notebooks? Why does Israel insist that in its investigation IDF forces involved in the raid will not be questioned? Clearly, Israel wants no contrary voices as it propagandizes the world – including 70 million gullible evangelicals and their media who are eager (in fact, theologically duty-bound) to believe Israel.
Most evangelicals will probably remain uninterested in more evidence from survivors in the weeks ahead and be content to believe anything Israel says. By prostituting their God-given birthright to speak only the whole truth, Israel-first evangelicals have gone theologically and politically insane.
Read the full article
Lowering the Standard
The message of the Gospel is not having the same transforming power it once had because Christ's ambassadors are changing the message and effectively presenting a false Gospel. Revival is born out of a obedience to God and His commandments and looking to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our Faith. Sinful living is looking at those around us and observing their standard while ignoring God.
"Religion today is not transforming people; rather it is being transformed by the people. It is not raising the moral level of society; it is descending to society's own level, and congratulating itself that it has scored a victory because society is smilingly accepting its surrender."
--A. W. Tozer
Ten Truths of a Computer
- When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
- When you get to the point where you really understand your computer it's probably obsolete.
- The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it.
- When the going gets tough, it's time to upgrade.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
- To err is human, to blame the computer for your mistakes is even more human.
- He who laughs last probably has a back-up.
- The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
- A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do but rarely what you want it to do.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Executioner's Lament
by Hal Baumchen
So I nailed another man onto a tree,
And won another round of it's you against me.
I've killed before, it's a small thing for me
To decrease my fear and uncertainty.
But this man's life revealed a plan
Of hope of healing for every man.
For Him to die in this sad way
Seems I've only added to my own decay.
Who is this man? My fear dispel
Criminal or Christ, I cannot tell.
From what I've heard His deeds suggest
That of all men mortal He was the best.
But this only adds to my deed despair
That Christ He was, I cannot bear.
For all of time I shall remain
He who tortured Christ and inflicted pain.
But as He hung upon the cross
My troubled life counted not for loss.
This pierced man's voice has pierced me through
"Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do."
Upon mangled body my sins were laid
Not wasted life, but payment made.
How can this be? Yet it swells inside
My bonds were broke when for me He died.
Mercy poured out undeserved upon me,
This crucified prisoner has set me free.
You've removed my pain, cleansed my heart from fraud.
For surely this Man was the Son of God.
So I nailed another man onto a tree,
And won another round of it's you against me.
I've killed before, it's a small thing for me
To decrease my fear and uncertainty.
But this man's life revealed a plan
Of hope of healing for every man.
For Him to die in this sad way
Seems I've only added to my own decay.
Who is this man? My fear dispel
Criminal or Christ, I cannot tell.
From what I've heard His deeds suggest
That of all men mortal He was the best.
But this only adds to my deed despair
That Christ He was, I cannot bear.
For all of time I shall remain
He who tortured Christ and inflicted pain.
But as He hung upon the cross
My troubled life counted not for loss.
This pierced man's voice has pierced me through
"Forgive them, Father, they know not what they do."
Upon mangled body my sins were laid
Not wasted life, but payment made.
How can this be? Yet it swells inside
My bonds were broke when for me He died.
Mercy poured out undeserved upon me,
This crucified prisoner has set me free.
You've removed my pain, cleansed my heart from fraud.
For surely this Man was the Son of God.
Church Signs
Have you ever been driving down the road and tried to read the church sign out front? Here are a few that are funny and serious:
- Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
- In the dark? Follow the Son.
- Under same management for over 2,000 years.
- Soul food served here.
- Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!
- Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
- Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!
- Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.
- Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives.
- It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees.
- What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?
- A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.
- Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.
- Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.
- Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings.
- If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
- Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
- If you don't want to reap the fruits of sin, stay out of the devil's orchard.
- Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
- Christians, keep the faith -- but not from others!
- Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies.
- To belittle is to be little.
- Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you.
- God answers kneemail.
- Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world!
- It is unlikely there will be a reduction in the wages of sin.
- Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
- People are like tea bags; you have to put them in hot water to find out how strong they are.
- Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?
- No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace.
- Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
- An ad for a Church had a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that read, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
- Come in and pray today. Beat the holiday rush.
- When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.
- If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
- If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
- Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
- This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing? U R
- Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Can I Drive Now?
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little & get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently... But you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair and even Jesus had long hair..."
His father responded, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently... But you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair and even Jesus had long hair..."
His father responded, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Acknowledging God in Government
America's founders did not intend a separation of God and state as shown by the fact that all 50 states acknowledged God in their state constitutions. One is faced with the prospect that maybe, just maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong after reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions!
ALABAMA 1901, Preamble.
We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution
ALASKA 1956, Preamble.
We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land...
ARIZONA 1911, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...
ARKANSAS 1874, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...
CALIFORNIA 1879, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom
COLORADO 1876, Preamble.
We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe
CONNECTICUT 1818, Preamble.
The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy
DELAWARE 1897, Preamble.
Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences
FLORIDA 1885, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty establish this Constitution...
GEORGIA 1777, Preamble.
We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution..
HAWAII 1959, Preamble.
We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance establish this Constitution
IDAHO 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings
ILLINOIS 1870, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors
INDIANA 1851, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to chose our form of government
IOWA 1857, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution
KANSAS 1859, Preamble.
We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.
KENTUCKY 1891, Preamble.
We, the people of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...
LOUISIANA 1921, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy
MAINE 1820, Preamble.
We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity and imploring His aid and direction.
MARYLAND 1776, Preamble.
We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God or our civil and religious liberty...
MASSACHUSETTS 1780, Preamble.
We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe...in the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction
MICHIGAN 1908, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution
MINNESOTA 1857, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings
MISSISSIPPI 1890, Preamble.
We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.
MISSOURI 1945, Preamble.
We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness establish this Constitution
MONTANA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty, establish this Constitution
NEBRASKA 1875, Preamble.
We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution
NEVADA 1864, Preamble.
We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution
NEW HAMPSHIRE 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V.
Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience
NEW JERSEY 1844, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors
NEW MEXICO 1911, Preamble.
We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty
NEW YORK 1846, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings
NORTH CAROLINA 1868, Preamble.
We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those
NORTH DAKOTA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...
OHIO 1852, Preamble.
We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common
OKLAHOMA 1907, Preamble.
Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty establish this
OREGON 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2.
All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences.
PENNSYLVANIA 1776, Preamble.
We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance
RHODE ISLAND 1842, Preamble.
We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing
SOUTH CAROLINA 1778, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of South Carolina, grateful to God or our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution
SOUTH DAKOTA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties establish this Constitution
TENNESSEE 1796, Art. XI.III.
That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience...
TEXAS 1845, Preamble.
We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God
UTAH 1896, Preamble.
Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution
VERMONT 1777, Preamble.
Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man
VIRGINIA 1776 Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty,
which we owe our Creator, can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other
WASHINGTON 1889, Preamble.
We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution
WEST VIRGINIA 1872, Preamble.
Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God
WISCONSIN 1848, Preamble.
We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility
WYOMING 1890, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties establish this Constitution
ALABAMA 1901, Preamble.
We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution
ALASKA 1956, Preamble.
We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land...
ARIZONA 1911, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...
ARKANSAS 1874, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...
CALIFORNIA 1879, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom
COLORADO 1876, Preamble.
We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe
CONNECTICUT 1818, Preamble.
The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy
DELAWARE 1897, Preamble.
Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences
FLORIDA 1885, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty establish this Constitution...
GEORGIA 1777, Preamble.
We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution..
HAWAII 1959, Preamble.
We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance establish this Constitution
IDAHO 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings
ILLINOIS 1870, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors
INDIANA 1851, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to chose our form of government
IOWA 1857, Preamble.
We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution
KANSAS 1859, Preamble.
We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.
KENTUCKY 1891, Preamble.
We, the people of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...
LOUISIANA 1921, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy
MAINE 1820, Preamble.
We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity and imploring His aid and direction.
MARYLAND 1776, Preamble.
We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God or our civil and religious liberty...
MASSACHUSETTS 1780, Preamble.
We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe...in the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction
MICHIGAN 1908, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution
MINNESOTA 1857, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings
MISSISSIPPI 1890, Preamble.
We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.
MISSOURI 1945, Preamble.
We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness establish this Constitution
MONTANA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty, establish this Constitution
NEBRASKA 1875, Preamble.
We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution
NEVADA 1864, Preamble.
We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution
NEW HAMPSHIRE 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V.
Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience
NEW JERSEY 1844, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors
NEW MEXICO 1911, Preamble.
We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty
NEW YORK 1846, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings
NORTH CAROLINA 1868, Preamble.
We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those
NORTH DAKOTA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain...
OHIO 1852, Preamble.
We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common
OKLAHOMA 1907, Preamble.
Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty establish this
OREGON 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2.
All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences.
PENNSYLVANIA 1776, Preamble.
We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance
RHODE ISLAND 1842, Preamble.
We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing
SOUTH CAROLINA 1778, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of South Carolina, grateful to God or our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution
SOUTH DAKOTA 1889, Preamble.
We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties establish this Constitution
TENNESSEE 1796, Art. XI.III.
That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience...
TEXAS 1845, Preamble.
We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God
UTAH 1896, Preamble.
Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution
VERMONT 1777, Preamble.
Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man
VIRGINIA 1776 Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty,
which we owe our Creator, can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other
WASHINGTON 1889, Preamble.
We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution
WEST VIRGINIA 1872, Preamble.
Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God
WISCONSIN 1848, Preamble.
We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility
WYOMING 1890, Preamble.
We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties establish this Constitution
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Things I've Never Known
By Dennis McIntosh
I've never known a religion to be pure and undefiled or a philosophy to follow for more than just a while;
I've never known a drug that could change the heart of man and I've never known a cause for which I felt could stand.
I've never known a friend to be totally forgiving and I've never known a hope to make life seem much worth living;
I've never known a love unconditionally bestowed and I've never known a map to show a never ending road.
I've never known a sunset to be totally fulfilling and I've never known a man to be always kind and willing;
I've never known a promise I believed could not be broken and I've never known a word of wisdom confidently spoken.
I've never known a power that could make a person whole and I've never known a comfort that could calm a restless soul;
I've never known a freedom beyond a mere sensation or someone I could trust without a moment's hesitation.
I've never known a happiness I felt could always last and I've never known a future to not slip into the past.
I've never known a reason for why I came to be and I've never known an answer to the questions haunting me;
But then I looked to Jesus and He proved that He alone is sufficient in Himself to be the things I'd never known!
I've never known a religion to be pure and undefiled or a philosophy to follow for more than just a while;
I've never known a drug that could change the heart of man and I've never known a cause for which I felt could stand.
I've never known a friend to be totally forgiving and I've never known a hope to make life seem much worth living;
I've never known a love unconditionally bestowed and I've never known a map to show a never ending road.
I've never known a sunset to be totally fulfilling and I've never known a man to be always kind and willing;
I've never known a promise I believed could not be broken and I've never known a word of wisdom confidently spoken.
I've never known a power that could make a person whole and I've never known a comfort that could calm a restless soul;
I've never known a freedom beyond a mere sensation or someone I could trust without a moment's hesitation.
I've never known a happiness I felt could always last and I've never known a future to not slip into the past.
I've never known a reason for why I came to be and I've never known an answer to the questions haunting me;
But then I looked to Jesus and He proved that He alone is sufficient in Himself to be the things I'd never known!
Monday, June 7, 2010
A Bar
A place where strong drink is sold is sometimes a called a Bar - that's true,
A BAR to heaven, a door to hell; whoever named it, named it well.
A BAR to manliness and wealth; a door to want and broken health.
A BAR to honor, pride and fame; a door to grief and sin and shame.
A BAR to home and a BAR to prayer; a door to darkness and despair.
A BAR to honored, useful life; a door to brawling, senseless strife,
A BAR to all that's true and brave; a door to every drunkard's grave.
A BAR to joys that home imparts; a door to tears and aching hearts.
A BAR to heaven, a door to hell; whoever named it, named it well.
-- Author Unknown
A BAR to heaven, a door to hell; whoever named it, named it well.
A BAR to manliness and wealth; a door to want and broken health.
A BAR to honor, pride and fame; a door to grief and sin and shame.
A BAR to home and a BAR to prayer; a door to darkness and despair.
A BAR to honored, useful life; a door to brawling, senseless strife,
A BAR to all that's true and brave; a door to every drunkard's grave.
A BAR to joys that home imparts; a door to tears and aching hearts.
A BAR to heaven, a door to hell; whoever named it, named it well.
-- Author Unknown
A little boy's report
Someone once said that PETA stands for "People Eating Tasty Animals."
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My teacher sent me to the principal's office. He also laughed when I told him what happened and told me not to do it again.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken and beef.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was a chicken. She asked me why and I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again.
My parents taught me to be honest but I don't understand why my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
Friday, June 4, 2010
Letter to Paul
My Dear Friends,
Today please be in conscientious prayer for ministers, teachers, church leaders, missionaries, and pastors. I won't belabor the reasons but Satan is on a rampage with some I know and it will take God's guidance to get each of them through it. The Lord knows who is doing what as He does with each of us. Pray for them to hear what the Spirit tells them, to have clear guidance where the Lord is taking them, for their protection, for comfort at the burdens they bear because of Whom they serve, and love overflowing. He desires for us to know what it is to belong to the Bride we are to His Only Son, Jesus our Savior, Redeemer and Bridegroom.
This humorous account is only funny because it's true. When you're done laughing, you may find yourselves in tears before the Lord as I am. We endure as a family, continuing to show the love the Lord has for us to others without compromising the saving grace we have as gospel. We love our own family that world around us may see how the Lord cares for us and that the gospel then would be attractive to them to relieve them of the effects of sin and they would know they have the hope we have. We are salt and light.
Pray for those the Lord has presently on the front lines for Him. Pray for the Lord to soften the hearts of those He sends us to that they will be ready to know the truth when they hear it.
Apostle Paul
First Christian Church
Antioch, Syria
=============================================
Dear Mr. Paul:
I have your application for missionary appointment before me, and will be as frank as possible concerning your qualifications as a foreign missionary. We have to be very careful in choosing our missionaries, and our Missions Board has reviewed your case thoroughly. We have decided that it would be unwise to send you to the foreign field for the following reasons:
1. It has come to our attention that you are doing secular work on the side. We do not feel that making tents and a full time ministry go together very well. It seems that you do not have enough experience in trusting the Lord for your income. You should make up your mind whether you want to preach or continue your profession.
2. Your previous actions have been very rash and unseemly for a minister. We learned that in a public meeting you opposed Dr. Simon Peter, an esteemed minister with an excellent reputation. We also hear that you argued so violently with some of our ministers that a special council meeting had to be called at Jerusalem to prevent a serious split in the churches. We frown on such radicalism. For your own good, I am enclosing a copy of Daius' Carnegus book on "How to Win Jews and Influence Greeks."
3. We understand that you do not agree with all the points in our constitution and by-laws, and do not even believe in all our doctrines. In checking back, we discovered your Christian education consisted of a three-year course in Arabia . We find that the Arabian school has not been approved by our accreditation board and we hear that there are some strange unknown doctrines being taught in that school. We also hear a rumor that you are a snake handler. Such a reputation could only hurt the true cause of Christ and the Church. We don't have all the details on that episode at Melita, but we understand you claim immunity to harm from snakebites through a promise of Christ. It has come to the attention also that you preach much about "the Power of God" and the "gifts of the Spirit." Also that you speak in tongues a great deal. Surely you realize that such as this only drives off the better class of people and attracts only the riff-raff.
4. We see here that you have a jail record in several places. If this is true, it puts you in a bad light, for our denomination has always stood for a high standard of holiness, and I fear it would damage our reputation to have someone representing us that had served time in jails and prisons. Frankly, Mr. Paul, we seriously doubt you could have been innocent and the judge wrong in so many cases. It just doesn't look right.
5. It seems that you are a troublemaker Mr. Paul. Several businessmen of Ephesus have written us that you were the cause of severe loss of business to them and even stirred mob violence. You must learn to cultivate the friendship and influence of men such as these. We also have some details of a lurid "over the wall in a basket" episode at Damascus, plus a stoning at Lystra, and several other violent actions taken against your ministry. Haven't you ever suspected that conciliatory behavior and gentler words might gain you more friends? We have never condoned such sensationalism in the ministry. This is just not the type of ministers that we send out. We have learned through channels that following some trouble with a preacher on the island of Cyprus; you had to change your name. This does not seem to us to be conduct becoming to the ministry.
6. You admitted in your application that in the past you neglected such needy fields as Bithynia, just because "the Spirit didn't lead that way," and that you undertook a hazardous journey on the strength of a dream you had at Troas. Mr. Paul, surely you don't expect us to go along with such flimsy and fantastic excuses for your seemingly purposeless wanderings. Many times you did not stay long enough, in our opinion, to get a church established. You left your converts many times without even a pastor to guide them, and without setting the church in order in some good fundamental denomination. We hear also from Troas that you preach too long, one sermon lasting almost twenty-four hours, even to the extent that a young man fell asleep and was seriously injured. We understand that you claim to have restored his life and raised him from the dead by falling on him and embracing him. What nonsense! If the man was injured, you should have called in a competent physician.
7. We understand from your own home church that you could not get along with your fellow ministers, that John Mark, a commendable young man and nephew of one of our leading ministers, had to leave your party in the middle of a journey, and that you had a violent quarrel with gentle, good natured Barnabas. Now these men are well thought of in Jerusalem and we wonder why you are always having trouble with your fellow workers? We have notarized affidavits from three fine brethren, Diotrephes, Demas, and Alexander, to the effect that it is impossible for them to cooperate with either you or your program. From what we hear, you seem to have a self-exalted spirit, boasting about your revelations and that God has chosen you to reveal some "new Mystery." Can't you realize that any new truth that is to be revealed would come through Headquarters to the recognized, more mature brethren, and that after it had been checked by our Procedure and Doctrine Committee that we would establish it? As you see, Mr. Paul, we feel definitely after close scrutiny of your case, that you are undoubtedly the most unqualified applicant we have ever seen, and my advice for you is to find a church where you can Work in harmony, and use your past education as perhaps a Sunday School teacher. I hope I have prevented you from making a terrible mistake in your life.
Head Minister
First Christian Church
Today please be in conscientious prayer for ministers, teachers, church leaders, missionaries, and pastors. I won't belabor the reasons but Satan is on a rampage with some I know and it will take God's guidance to get each of them through it. The Lord knows who is doing what as He does with each of us. Pray for them to hear what the Spirit tells them, to have clear guidance where the Lord is taking them, for their protection, for comfort at the burdens they bear because of Whom they serve, and love overflowing. He desires for us to know what it is to belong to the Bride we are to His Only Son, Jesus our Savior, Redeemer and Bridegroom.
This humorous account is only funny because it's true. When you're done laughing, you may find yourselves in tears before the Lord as I am. We endure as a family, continuing to show the love the Lord has for us to others without compromising the saving grace we have as gospel. We love our own family that world around us may see how the Lord cares for us and that the gospel then would be attractive to them to relieve them of the effects of sin and they would know they have the hope we have. We are salt and light.
Pray for those the Lord has presently on the front lines for Him. Pray for the Lord to soften the hearts of those He sends us to that they will be ready to know the truth when they hear it.
Apostle Paul
First Christian Church
Antioch, Syria
=============================================
Dear Mr. Paul:
I have your application for missionary appointment before me, and will be as frank as possible concerning your qualifications as a foreign missionary. We have to be very careful in choosing our missionaries, and our Missions Board has reviewed your case thoroughly. We have decided that it would be unwise to send you to the foreign field for the following reasons:
1. It has come to our attention that you are doing secular work on the side. We do not feel that making tents and a full time ministry go together very well. It seems that you do not have enough experience in trusting the Lord for your income. You should make up your mind whether you want to preach or continue your profession.
2. Your previous actions have been very rash and unseemly for a minister. We learned that in a public meeting you opposed Dr. Simon Peter, an esteemed minister with an excellent reputation. We also hear that you argued so violently with some of our ministers that a special council meeting had to be called at Jerusalem to prevent a serious split in the churches. We frown on such radicalism. For your own good, I am enclosing a copy of Daius' Carnegus book on "How to Win Jews and Influence Greeks."
3. We understand that you do not agree with all the points in our constitution and by-laws, and do not even believe in all our doctrines. In checking back, we discovered your Christian education consisted of a three-year course in Arabia . We find that the Arabian school has not been approved by our accreditation board and we hear that there are some strange unknown doctrines being taught in that school. We also hear a rumor that you are a snake handler. Such a reputation could only hurt the true cause of Christ and the Church. We don't have all the details on that episode at Melita, but we understand you claim immunity to harm from snakebites through a promise of Christ. It has come to the attention also that you preach much about "the Power of God" and the "gifts of the Spirit." Also that you speak in tongues a great deal. Surely you realize that such as this only drives off the better class of people and attracts only the riff-raff.
4. We see here that you have a jail record in several places. If this is true, it puts you in a bad light, for our denomination has always stood for a high standard of holiness, and I fear it would damage our reputation to have someone representing us that had served time in jails and prisons. Frankly, Mr. Paul, we seriously doubt you could have been innocent and the judge wrong in so many cases. It just doesn't look right.
5. It seems that you are a troublemaker Mr. Paul. Several businessmen of Ephesus have written us that you were the cause of severe loss of business to them and even stirred mob violence. You must learn to cultivate the friendship and influence of men such as these. We also have some details of a lurid "over the wall in a basket" episode at Damascus, plus a stoning at Lystra, and several other violent actions taken against your ministry. Haven't you ever suspected that conciliatory behavior and gentler words might gain you more friends? We have never condoned such sensationalism in the ministry. This is just not the type of ministers that we send out. We have learned through channels that following some trouble with a preacher on the island of Cyprus; you had to change your name. This does not seem to us to be conduct becoming to the ministry.
6. You admitted in your application that in the past you neglected such needy fields as Bithynia, just because "the Spirit didn't lead that way," and that you undertook a hazardous journey on the strength of a dream you had at Troas. Mr. Paul, surely you don't expect us to go along with such flimsy and fantastic excuses for your seemingly purposeless wanderings. Many times you did not stay long enough, in our opinion, to get a church established. You left your converts many times without even a pastor to guide them, and without setting the church in order in some good fundamental denomination. We hear also from Troas that you preach too long, one sermon lasting almost twenty-four hours, even to the extent that a young man fell asleep and was seriously injured. We understand that you claim to have restored his life and raised him from the dead by falling on him and embracing him. What nonsense! If the man was injured, you should have called in a competent physician.
7. We understand from your own home church that you could not get along with your fellow ministers, that John Mark, a commendable young man and nephew of one of our leading ministers, had to leave your party in the middle of a journey, and that you had a violent quarrel with gentle, good natured Barnabas. Now these men are well thought of in Jerusalem and we wonder why you are always having trouble with your fellow workers? We have notarized affidavits from three fine brethren, Diotrephes, Demas, and Alexander, to the effect that it is impossible for them to cooperate with either you or your program. From what we hear, you seem to have a self-exalted spirit, boasting about your revelations and that God has chosen you to reveal some "new Mystery." Can't you realize that any new truth that is to be revealed would come through Headquarters to the recognized, more mature brethren, and that after it had been checked by our Procedure and Doctrine Committee that we would establish it? As you see, Mr. Paul, we feel definitely after close scrutiny of your case, that you are undoubtedly the most unqualified applicant we have ever seen, and my advice for you is to find a church where you can Work in harmony, and use your past education as perhaps a Sunday School teacher. I hope I have prevented you from making a terrible mistake in your life.
Head Minister
First Christian Church
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