You know you're a liberal if...

You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.

You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.

You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.

You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity and family dissolution).

You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns.

You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.

You believe the National Rifle Associations helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.

You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.

You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.

You think marriage is obsolete -- except for homosexuals.

You believe homosexuality is genetically determined, but fascism and spouse abuse aren't.

You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.

You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.

You view race riots as justifiable expressions of rage over injustice and fail to see the similarities between a black mob burning a Korean store and a white mob in the Jim Crow era lynching a black man.

You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.

Lastly, you're a liberal if -- you don't get the point of this column.

-Excerpts from a column by Don Feder